Atlantis, We've Been Downsized
by GlassSuicune
Summary: Remember, when in Pegasus, anything can happen -and usually does happen. That includes someone getting turned into a six-year-old.
1. Babysitting Blues

Atlantis, We've Been Downsized by GlassSuicune

Note: If I owned Stargate Atlantis, there'd be crazy little Elves running around assisting Santa Claus. Do you see any such things? No? Then I obviously don't own it. I do own Abby. Since my interest in Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis fanfictions grew, I noticed a ton of 'downsizing' stories ( more prominent in the SG-1 archive) in which a character or more would get turned into a kid by an artifact of some sort. Now, since I love family/humour stories like these, I decided to give this insane plot bunny a spin. I'm worried I'll make it dizzy though, because I get my ideas not from the family-time a six-year-old Daniel Jackson spends with his adoptive father Jack O'Neill, but from the chaos caused by Sonic the Hedgehog babysitting a two-year-old Shadow the Hedgehog ( yes, us Sonic fans have our own 'downsizing' stories too; though StarVix does it the best). For further inspiration on what to most likely expect from this story later on, I suggest watching Pixar's short film Jack Jack Attack. Carry on, ye brave souls. Now...

"This" is speech.

_'This'_ is thought.

Chapter 1: Babysitting Blues.

It wasn't possible.

It just couldn't happen.

All it took was just touching it.

And the unthinkable happened.

Rodney stared at the rather angry Wraith in front of him, who held an expression whose meaning Rodney didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out. The young Wraith then said the words his expression tried to convey, "I swear to all that is considered good, when I grow up again, I am going to destroy you all."

Rodney became lost in his thoughts for a brief moment, trying to convince himself that this was just a horrible, horrible nightmare...

"Are you even listening to me?" the six-year-old asked rather angrily. "Todd, leave the poor scientist alone..." John said from the other side of the table. Todd turned his attention to John, his yellow eyes trying to look menacing, but failing miserably. "But it's his fault!" he half yelled, half whined. John shook his head. "How is it McKay's fault?" he questioned, "You're the one who touched the device..."

"He told me to!"

Frustrated, Todd crossed his arms and looked away from the humans at the table. Somehow, he could feel Ronon staring at him. "Go on, laugh Runner..." Todd growled, "You know you want to..." Ronon still glared, but couldn't prevent the crazy grin that was on his face. "You deserved what happened." he said bluntly, still trying to contain the grin. Todd looked at him rather pathetically. Everyone noticed how he started acting less like, well, Todd, and more like a young child.

"Everyone, please," Richard started, "Let's just calm down for a bit..." Everyone in the room looked at him in disbelief. "How can we be calm in matters such as this??" Teyla questioned. "Yeah Woolsey, this is a very difficult issue to cope with!" John cried. Richard looked at John. "Is that so? What of the numerous attacks by the Wraith, Replicators, and Michael? You were all calm during those... Or at least, calm enough to think rationally." he said.

"The attacks happen on a near daily basis. What just happened here is a whole new..." John started, then he paused for a moment, "...thing." The humans noticed by this point that Todd had decided to give in to the child in him and had fallen asleep while curled up into the chair. "Well, at any rate, we need to decide what to do with him until we can -dare I say it?- change him back..." Richard said, clapping his hands once, "So, any suggestions?"

"Shoot him." Ronon said almost immediately. Teyla looked at him. "Ronon, if we plan on changing him back...shooting him doesn't really help..." she informed him, stating the obvious.

"Woolsey wanted my opinion; I gave it."

Teyla held her tongue; there was no negotiating with Ronon. "Well, we can't lock him up in the brig, can we?" Rodney asked. Teyla shook her head immediately. "If Wraith children are like human children...that is not a good idea," she answered, "He'd need to be able to run around...put whatever energy he has to some use..."

"So somebody should babysit him?" John asked in disbelief, looking at the table space that was unoccupied due to Todd having sunk into the chair. He hoped to high Heaven that if someone indeed had to babysit Todd, it wouldn't be him. "Well, that seems to be our only real option here," Richard spoke up, "So that said, any volunteers?"

Silence. A cricket was heard chirping in the background.

After a few seconds, John, Rodney, and Teyla scrambled out of their chairs and out of the room, leaving Ronon and Richard with Todd, the Satedan having not realized what just took place. "Thank you for volunteering Ronon." Richard said bluntly, masterfully masking his amusement. Ronon smacked the table in surprise, scaring Todd awake. "I did not volunteer!" Ronon yelled.

"Oh, I think you did. May the Force be with you, brave Jedi Warrior."

It was then that Richard got out of his chair and ran out of the room, leaving Ronon alone with Todd. The former Runner glared at the Wraith, who seemed to shrink into the chair. In a flash, Ronon had the boy up against the wall, hanging by his shoulders. "Let me make a few things clear," Ronon started, "I tell you to do something, you do it. I tell you not to do something, you don't do it. And most important of all, DON'T GET IN MY WAY. You understand?" Todd nodded readily, looking pretty terrified. "Good." Ronon said bluntly, before releasing him.

Ronon then walked out of the room, making sure Todd followed but kept his distance. There was no way he was going to let that thing get too close to him. Everyone out in the control room all looked at the duo in shock. "Ronon...?" Chuck started, but shut up the instant he saw Ronon's glare. Todd looked at everyone in the room as if to say, "Please save me..." None came to his rescue.

This was gonna be a long day. For both babysitter and child.

"Stop that." Ronon said with great force, making Todd hold his breath and slip the straw out of his mouth. Apparently he had decided to blow bubbles in his glass of milk, like Tau'ri children did. Whether or not he was doing it for fun or to annoy Ronon was anyone's guess. Todd continued to hold his breath, not looking so good. "You can breathe now..." Ronon said, irritated. Todd then exhaled, looking relieved.

It was then that Atlantis' only true resident Wraith Abby Appleseed walked by their table carrying her tray. She stopped and looked at the two. Her blue eyes then fell on the small glass of milk. "I saw something egg-shaped floating in there." she said seriously, though Ronon could tell she was joking. Todd, however, could not. "No you didn't!" he protested, looking rather scared.

"Fine. See it your way. I don't care."

Abby then went to walk away, before a devious grin crept upon her green face. She turned around to face the two again. "Just make sure you don't swallow an Iratus egg..." she began, "I once heard about a boy who swallowed one that was in his drink, and well, let's just say when the bug hatched, it fed off of him from the inside... But don't worry about it, okay?" She then walked away and sat at the table her friends were sitting at. Ronon seriously wondered why that twelve-year-old was allowed to roam free.

Shaking his head, Ronon looked at Todd, whose appetite seemed to have diminished. "Todd, drink your milk..." he started, before the glass of milk went airborne...

_Later..._

"Ronon, please..." Teyla started, "What happened at the mess hall?" She then handed him another washcloth to help drain the milk from his hair. "Abby happened. She implied that there was an Iratus egg in his milk... I am going to shoot that Wraith the next time I see her..."

"I see... And what of Todd?"

"I already told you. He screamed, sent the milk flying, then ran out of the mess hall."

"You mean you didn't go after him?!"

"I was told to watch him. Not chase him all around the city."

Teyla let out a long sigh. "Ronon...babysitting includes KEEPING THE CHILD OUT OF TROUBLE." she said, very annoyed. Ronon then got the remaining milk out of his hair, grabbed his gun, and walked out of the room, saying, "Then I'll go find him." That said, he left. "Don't shoot him!" Teyla yelled out to him.

"I won't!" _'But I'd love to...'_

Being a former Runner did have some advantages. Ronon had become rather good at finding Wraith before they found him. Then again, those Wraith had wanted to kill him. This one couldn't if he tried. He really wished that he could just leave Todd to rot somewhere in the city, but Richard would probably take him off of Atlantis-1 for awhile if he neglected his 'charge'. All things considered, not being able to go after adult Wraith and blast them sounded worse then having to babysit a young one. Well, almost anyway.

He finally found his charge sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth while whimpering softly. Clearly, he remembered what an Iratus bug was. And quite obviously, it scared the daylights out of him now. Ronon, never good with words and clearly not sympathetic, said rather harshly, "Quit whining. Now get up." Todd looked upward, his eyes narrowing rather dangerously. "You can't tell me what to do!" he shouted, before resuming his pitiful whimpering. Ronon stood there in shock. One second, Todd is Todd, next second, he's a crybaby again.

"Todd, get up," Ronon demanded, "If you don't listen, I will personally find a Iratus bug and latch it onto your neck." Well, that seemed to work, because Todd shut up instantly and got out of the corner. Ronon then walked off, doing nothing to quell the young one's fears. Todd groaned and ran after him, trying to make sure he didn't get too close.

_Later that night..._

"But Ronon!" Todd protested, as Ronon threw a sleeping bag out of his room and closed the door, leaving Todd out in the hallway. The boy then looked around the dark halls of Atlantis, as if the city herself was a hideous monster and intended on eating him alive. He then bent down and unrolled the sleeping bag, looking around warily. He swore he heard a woman laughing her head off, but then again that could be his mind playing tricks on him. Sighing, he slid into the sleeping bag and covered his head with the covers. Perhaps if he couldn't see the monsters of the night, they couldn't see him.

But that was all in theory, anyway.

Note: Ta-da! There's Chapter 1. I dunno 'bout you, but I personally think Ronon is an expert babysitter ( NOT). But anyways, constructive criticism is welcomed, as this is my first attempt at a downsizing story, and quite frankly, I have no idea what I'm doing. An example: How are they going to change Todd back? Should they even want to?? Also, I am breaking my own tradition and trying to keep the characters in-character ( excluding Todd; he's a lost soul here) as much as I can. I don't want them to be 'spot-on' ( as I still need those random acts of Glassy dialogue, the 'May the Force be with you' comment as evidence) so to speak, but close enough... Though I'm not sure how long I can keep them in character... Also, a crazy accident occurred with my flash drive, leaving me unable to transfer my stories to my parents' computer so I can upload them. I have no idea when this'll be fixed, and since I had transferred this chapter to my parents' computer weeks before this happened, I decided to post it as a last hoorah for awhile.


	2. It's All Fun and Games

Note: I don't own Stargate Atlantis. If I did, it'd have a theme song done by Alvin and the Chipmunks. I own Abby, Cepheus, Osiris, and Sir Hiss. For those who are wondering, this takes place before Teyla becomes Queen of the Alliance and places Todd in charge, effectively making this an AU. Wish me luck as I trash the timeline, for I fear I may not make it through these tortured lands burned to bring Universe to power alive. What? Now...

_This_ is memory lane, narration, and emphasis during speech.

Chapter 2: It's All Fun and Games...

John and Teyla both blinked. They blinked again, and again, trying to register what they were seeing. The entire room looked like it had been remodeled by the Incredible Hulk, with various pieces of furniture where they shouldn't be, or not in the position they should be. That, and there were little black rings here and there, indicating Ronon's gun had gone off.

"What the heck happened here?!" John cried, absolutely dumb struck. Ronon suddenly appeared from under the rubble, and answered, "Todd asked me if I would play a game that kids on Earth play with him..."

"And which one would that be?"

"Tag. And I won."

Teyla then noticed within the rubble, Todd slowly peeking his head out of whatever piece of furniture he was hiding in. The young Wraith looked absolutely terrified, and his breathing was very shaky. Teyla knew exactly what he was thinking: Playing any game -no matter what world it was from- with Ronon was dangerous.

"Hey Ronon, what's with all these rings all over the place?" John inquired, his tone slightly accusing. "My gun was set to stun, before you say anything." Ronon replied quickly. "No it wasn't!" Todd shrieked, as Teyla decided to take pity on him and held him close in a comforting manner. Ronon gave her a disgusted look, as if appalled that she dared to baby the humanoid insect.

"Ronon, if you hate Todd so much, why'd you even volunteer to babysit him?" John asked. Ronon narrowed his eyes dangerously. "You and everyone else ran out of the room, leaving me behind," he started, "I did not volunteer to babysit that _thing_ over there." John's expression turned blank, until the memories dawned on him. "Oh..." he said rather stupidly.

"Even so, can't you be a little nicer to him?" Teyla inquired, Todd still clinging to her, "And not try to shoot him...while playing an innocent game?" Ronon looked at her and finally said, "...Fine..." His eyes then fell on Todd, who grinned innocently. The little faker. Ronon could see through his deception...

Then again, the expression did look genuine...

"Todd, you can let go now..." Teyla informed the boy, who apparently would have none of it. Instead he held on to her tighter, now looking at Ronon warily. John looked at this and said, "Man, I wish I had a camera..." Teyla looked at Todd, as if considering prying him off with a crowbar. She had to admit it was disturbing how much he behaved like a human child. Then she remembered Ellia, and it all made sense to her.

_Later..._

Ronon had no idea Wraith children could be this pathetic. Todd had accidentally knocked down Rodney's coffee mug, smashing it into pieces, and now he was frantically trying to fix it with some tape and glue. He even promised to go sit in the 'Time-Out' corner, as John had called the corner he ran to the day before, once he fixed it.

"Don't worry about it..." Ronon groaned, "It's just a coffee mug..." That did nothing to set Todd's mind at rest. "But I killed it!" he shrieked, still trying to put the mug back together, "I have to fix it! I just have to!"

"Somehow I think all that glue will kill _Rodney_..."

Todd stopped what he was doing immediately. He then mentally kicked himself for letting himself forget that the glue humans used was poisonous to them. He then threw the glue bottle away and focused on using the tape. Ronon looked like he wanted to smack the six-year-old upside the head for his stupidity. In fact, that's just what he did.

"OW!" Todd yelped, holding his head and fighting back tears. _'Stupid Wraith...'_ Ronon thought to himself, wanting so desperately to blast Todd and be done with him forever. Then he remembered what Woolsey would most likely do if they found out he had ended the little monster's sorry existence. After more consideration, Ronon decided there were other Wraith who were far more deserving of a burning energy blast to their head then Todd was. Like the little brat Abby, for example.

Speaking of the devil, Abby suddenly walked into the lab to retrieve any math equations Rodney had for her. Ronon immediately grabbed his gun and fired at her, narrowly missing her head. Abby stood there wide-eyed, and with her back against the wall, before promptly running out of the room. Ronon grinned darkly, before looking at Todd, who had rather messily taped the mug back together ( though it did not bare any resemblance to the mug of old).

"Do you think Rodney will notice I broke it?" Todd asked timidly, as if he were a mass murderer or something. Ronon was about to say something that would most likely make the green-skinned boy cry, but then remembered he more or less promised Teyla of all people that he would be nicer to him. So instead, he decided to say a little white lie, "I don't think he'll ever notice it was broken." Todd grinned a very hopeful grin that just didn't look right on his features, before setting the taped monstrosity down on the table in all its taped and shattered glory.

As they walked out of the lab, Ronon couldn't help but glare at Todd. He found it ridiculous that everyone was treating him a lot nicer now then they did before. Being young did not change who or what he was. Nor was it an excuse to suddenly start treating him the way they all were. But for the sake of everyone else's nonexistent sanity, Ronon decided he would play their ridiculous little game.

_Later..._

"So, any ideas on what this device is?" Radek asked calmly, having noticed the ruined mug. "Well, I've had a couple marines touch it and they haven't been turned into kids, so I assume it only works on Wraith." Rodney answered, having not noticed the mug yet.

"Does the Ancient database say anything about this device?"

"Well... WHAT IN BANANAVILLE HAPPENED TO MY MUG?!"

"My thoughts exactly, McKay. Thank you for your help."

Radek then proceeded to look at his computer, researching a model of the device while muttering something in Czech that most likely meant 'Weirdo', or words to that effect. Upon examining the small-scale model, he noticed something unusual. "Rodney," he started, getting the poor Canadian's attention, "Was this the only device in that lab?" Rodney immediately answered, "I think so. Why?"

"Because it looks like this one connects to another one."

Suddenly, the mug's untimely and mysterious demise took a backseat in Rodney's mind.

"Osiris, can you watch Todd for awhile?" Ronon asked, "I'm going off-world soon." Osiris, afraid of Ronon, answered, "Oh yes! It shall be done!"

"Thank you."

Ronon walked off, leaving the thirteen-year-old Jaffa with Todd. Now, Todd had seen Osiris before when he was an adult, but he never knew Jaffa carried a snake in their pouch. He soon discovered they did when the Goa'uld 'Sir Hiss' suddenly poked its head out of Osiris' pouch. It eyed Todd with an expression he didn't really like.

After three seconds, Todd screamed. Sir Hiss screamed back.

Osiris looked at Todd rather puzzled, unaware that his symbiont was loose again. Slowly, he looked down at his uncovered stomach, and his brown eyes widened in terror.

He screamed along with Todd and Sir Hiss.

Abby was watching this from afar, with a 'What in heck?' look on her face. An Asgard with green eyes and wearing a get-up similar to that of Snoopy's when he fought the Red Baron, watched this as well. He shook his head and walked away, in a 'I'm so not impressed' manner. Abby looked at him. "Cepheus?" she questioned, "Since when did you start acting like an Asgard?!" She ran after him, muttering something about the universe tearing at the seams.

After a fews seconds, Sir Hiss grew annoyed with the screaming and went back inside Osiris' pouch, hissing the whole time. Osiris promptly fainted while Todd placed his non-feeding hand over his chest, letting out a sigh of relief. That was the first time he had ever seen a Goa'uld in action, and he didn't intend to see one again. They were pretty horrifying. And this one didn't even have a host yet!

Host...there was something just plain wrong about a snake going inside your neck and controlling your body...

Todd then shoved that thought out of his mind. Other then Sir Hiss, there weren't any Goa'uld in Pegasus. Just humans, Wraith, Ancients, cloud people, Replicators, and half-human, half-Wraith Hybrids made by that lunatic Michael. And not to mention Asgards running around in Darth Vader-ish suits. All perfectly normal, and not really that scary.

Okay, maybe the Vader wannabes were a little psycho...

Note: ...And this is where the chapter ends. Sorry it was shorter then the last one, but I really couldn't think of anything else. Funnily enough, I've often wondered how the Goa'uld and the Wraith would react to each other if they ever met face-to-face. Somehow, I doubt they'd scream like Sir Hiss and Todd did ( oh, the trials of youth). XD But anyways, review please? Y'know, I would LOVE to stay here and talk forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever...

TWO YEARS LATER....

...and ever. But I can't. *runs like heck*


End file.
